I'm trying to break into contemporary theatre-writing (making) and have come up with some premises for some possible plays. Feedback welcome.
1) Cowamour.
A troubled schoolboy falls in love with a cow. He dreams of the cow every night, and in the daytimes, breaks into a local dairy-farm and drinks straight from the teet. The action switches between the boy's stream-of-consciousness confessions and his mother's dialogue with a psychotherapist, who blames the boy's condition on his father's death from CJD, after refusing to eat any food but beef (British) during the 90s. The action culminates with a piece of physical theatre in which the actors symbolise bovine fellatio.
2) Fucking Dead
An issues play, involving a cast of 100 16-19.5 year olds, all of whom die (of aids, knives, teenage pregnancy etc). Daniel Radcliff plays a scouse pimp who traffics dead teenagers for necrophiliacs.
3) Rich
A tragicomedy about an Undergraduate of St. Trinityjohns college at the University of Cambridgeoxford called Rich, President of the infamous Bullwinkle Club. On the club's annual dinner in rural Farmsworth, the club's members burn down a barn and rape a milkmaid. The action covers their guilt-ridden dialogue in the police station the following morning.
4) Narniamatics
A literature-maths hybrid show in which C.S Lewis' novels are translated into binary and the familiar characters are reimagined as geometric shapes.
5)Come Dine With Me: The Musical
A dramatised version of the popular Channel 4 food-based bitchfest. The witty narrator is played by a barbershop quartet and the audience is encouraged to sing along to hits such as 'Where's the Wok?', 'Just a 7 for Angela' and '"Lovely Place" she lied'.
6) The Day We Sold the World
Now boringly irrelevant dramatisation of the banking crisis based on extensive research (10 minutes browsing the BBC News Economic Section). The drama focuses on Matilda Hucks, the most powerful Bankress in the city, who wagers £689,0000,00,0000 on Everton to win the Carling Cup, and singlehandedly plummets the world into financial meltdown. The subplot features Malcolm Streets, a single uncle who borrows against a false mortgage valuation to buy a new skipping rope for his niece and then hangs himself with it.
7) Supernanny Live
Bolshy, boorish child-toturer Jo Frost invites members of the audience to bring their children up on stage and submits them to a rigorous disciplinary programme, involving russian-roullette and waterboarding.
8) 2.28 Madness de la Cunt
A vitriolic attack on the smugness of the sane. Hardwick, an asylum inmate rants against his captors. Who is mad and who is sane? The walls talk and the talk walls. Gina used to know the sky but now she only knows her own skull. Dreams become realities and realities become language. Language breaks and no one can escape the future. Contains over 1000 swear words.
9) The Balloon in the Sink
Working-class kitchen-sink realism meets Ionesco-esque absurdism. Shirley, a dinner lady, chooses to ignore the balloon she notices in the sink one morning. She gets on with talking about the weather (to herself), but the balloon gets bigger and soon it's got a few thoughts of its own and it wants to share them.
10) This Scuppered Isle
Bitter social satire about the decline of the United Kingdom. John England spends every day wanking into a St.George's flag, but when the council try to tell him to use a Pakistani flag instead, John sets out on a one man mission to restore the values that his beloved Nation has lost. Who will bear the brunt of John's campaign but Mr. Jadif, the local curry-vendor?